On the nature of suicides
It's funny, you know? Well, 'Funny' might not be the appropriate word to describe it, but, 'Ironic', perhaps, is. Yes, that's most certainly a better word to describe the phenomenon. The phenomenon of taking one's life, putting a gigantic fucking stop sign on everything a certain individual was hoping to achieve, ending hopes, dreams, thoughts, consciousness, fucking LIFE. Everything is coming to an abrupt halt so sudden, so immediate and intense it simply is, quite frankly, mesmerizing. What prompts someone to commit such an act? Well, the reasons and motives are immeasurable, giving the number of humans who committed suicide over the course of existence, but maybe that's the wrong question. The right path may not even be a question, but a general wonderment, which goes as follows: It is incredibly ironic that in order to end your life, you have to feel unbelievably, soul crushingly sad, and by extension, also very much alive.
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I'm saying that the sensation of livelihood stems a great deal from us experiencing deep, complex emotions, and by the pinnacle moment of 'pulling the trigger', where we're encompassed by the very essence of hopelessness, that's when we feel most alive! And that's something I'm not sure how to feel about – maybe it's awful, and sad and unnecessary, or maybe it's beautiful.
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Another point about suicide:
Contemporary civilization, on top of its complicated structures and procedures, is built around one basic notion, a tree root, one that all other life's branches are meant to protect and preserve – preventing death. A fence in a public school is there first and foremost in order to keep children from barging onto the streets and pavements and maybe get hit by a car. A security guard is hired for even more obvious reasons (it's in the job description, after all) – to guard us, and maybe stop a terrorist shooting us up in an airport. Waters are purified to prevent diseases and therefore death, a crosswalk exist to signal drivers: "Hey, slow down and don’t run over any pedestrians!", a city municipality will send garbage trucks to empty trashcans around the city to keep it from piling up and maybe cause air and environmental pollution that might lead to the one and only, you guessed it, death.
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A person who wants to commit suicide is saying: "Well, fuck that shit, I'm a rebel by heart and nature, a rock star of modern times, and therefore reject all forms of puny civilization! Oh no, you won't keep me alive with your fancy tools and methods! I want to perish and by all means I'm going to perish. And fuck fences!"
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Well, there you have it – the ultimate rejection. A rejection of life. That's some deep shit right there, something maybe a rock star would say…
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(Get help if you need it - List of suicide crisis lines)